Heart

dear brain,
I understand you are the one that keeps reminding me to keep beating but please can you slow it down a little. I mean I have been doing what you say because we have been working together for the past almost 18 years to keep her alive. And we have been doing a good job. But you get to sleep at night. I have never understood what that feels like. Nobody knows what I or any other heart really feels like. But they try, I guess.

'Let your heart guide you, it whispers so listen carefully.'

I don't whisper. I am yelling but no one can hear me compared to the thoughts you put in there head.

'If the heart is the strongest muscle than why does it break so easily?'

Hey I try as hard as I can. And when I crack, I fix it before it breaks, I think we should change that to 'can break easily'

'The worst prison would be a closed heart'

But that's ok because you have the key,

I don't feel I am feelings.
-heart

P.s thanks for not giving thoughts of smoking because that's helped me a ton
P.p.s I know this letter makes no sense. I'm kind of just like that. You don't and won't ever really know what I'm saying or feeling. Unless you just try to feel it too.

late reveal but hey it's still a reveal

as my dad would say.....

Do you want to know how to keep a creative writing student in suspense????

I'll tell you later.

Lol jk dude

I'm a girl. Genetically and I also identify as a female. 

I'm Mormon.

I'm 17.

I'm a senior.

I love the words genuine and adore. Their meanings and their sound and pronounciation just everything.

I love swinging on swings and going on drives.

I love to go to museums.

I love to go on bike rides and read.

I love learning.

I love Oreos and peanut butter.

I love movies and everyone who knows me, knows that I speak fluent movie quotes.

I'm in love with Harry Potter. The books, the movies, everything.

I love all types of music from all decades;. Rap, punk, rock, dub step, pop, musicals, Disney, ballads, uplifting, acapella, anything. If it's good music I like it. I don't exclude anything until I listen to it. 

I don't really ever get annoyed of songs like everyone does. If a song plays on the radio like twelve times in one day, I'm still gonna like it tomorrow.

I'm so behind on homework that I have to do work for last term and this term.

My lips are covered in scares that only I'm really able to see, yet it's one of my biggest insecurities.

I'm allergic to make up, lotions, soaps, and penicillin. 

I'm allergic to Chapstick and that's the reason why my lips have scares. And why I have missed so much school. No one would ever guess that one of someone's trials in life could be their lips. My lips are already huge. So it doesn't help that they swell anytime I use a certain Chapstick, or if I stay in the sun too long, or if I'm stressed or anything. Honestly if I walk down the hallway too fast I expect my lips will get bigger than Mars. And when I say swell I'm not talking they get big. I'm talking 'to-heavy-to-close-my-mouth-bounce-when-I-walk-bigger-Everyone's-lips-combined' kind of big. Not to mention they hurt. Not just when they swell. But all the time. My lips hurt all the time. And nobody knows what's causing it. Sometimes I think just cutting off my lips would feel better.

I love all colors but the favorites are grey and rose gold rn.

60% of my clothes are neutrals

I'm obsessed with accessories and clothes.. I love the shoes, purses, hats, sunglasses. (Just not scarves, I hate scarves)

I love to organize and my room is pretty much always clean.

I love being involved. I love going to every activity that is offered by anything. (Even school assemblies...)

I am a complete night owl and I wish I wasn't.

I have been a late night owl my whole life. And when I say night owl you guys think I'm going to bed at like midnight maybe one. When I go to bed that early I'm like wow! I got to bed way early! Yeah those are my good nights. I have tried so hard to go to bed early and I always can only fall asleep at 2:30-4:30-later. I can confidentally say that I have my gone to bed earlier than 11:00 in like the past 2 years. And it's been this way my whole life.

I love everything to do with art and singing. 

I do not share my talents or anything with other people. Because I don't want to have too, but sometimes I wish that people would just know what I was good at. Because it's not always fun to stay in the background and let other people take over. And that's the thing. Is... People who aren't afraid to shove there talents in other people's faces and show off what they got and sing whenever someone's in ear distance or enter every art contest in the state, they make it. The ones who show people there talents, are the ones that people know are talented. But I just can't get myself to be that person.

I love just living life and playing what are the odds and boards games and watching movies and screaming to the top of my lungs when I'm in the canyon and I'm afraid of so much but I still live.

So.... I mean there's more but this is what t is right now.

So I guess this works

Umm... Here I am.

Hannah Simpson 

life and death

Well I guess there is really only two things to right about. Life and death. I think it's a little more than that. Yeah if you go to the deepest part, like the very very most basic categories of what you could write about it is just life and death. But I think to write it has to be more. I mean not that I know anything about writing. But when I read something and I like it.... There's more. There is always more. There's more to just living and dying. There's more to the stuff in between.

Life and death

There are 7.125 billion people on this earth
There are 310,383,948 people in the USA
153,139,563 of those are male
And 157,244,385 , are female.

That's 7.215 billion people living and dying everyday.

I know numbers don't prove anything.

One day I was with my mom in the store. She was saying to pick a treat (yes, I am 17.)
And we were talking about how bad food is. My moms sayI'm all this stuff like 'oh that's bad for you' 'I here that's made from somethings bad' 'our bodies aren't suppose to have that' and after a couple of minutes of her saying this she turns to me and said ' you know what? We are all going to die anyways. Might as well eat what you want while you can.'

True statement. WE ARE ALL DYING. Some faster than others.... But yes we are all dying.

SO WHY SIT HERE AND TALK ABOUT DEATH AND HOW WE ARE ALL GOING TO WHILE WE CAN LIVE.

that's just what living is about. You just live. So if you all thought there was some secret to life sorry to break it to you. Live while you can.

So....

Buy the shoes
Eat that chocolate
Wear those blak
Watch the movie even though it's late
Don't be afraid to have fun
Dance as hard as you can even tho they can see you
Sing as loud as you can even tho their listening
And scream too
Sing
Dance
Smile
Laugh
Do all you can
To
LIVE.

b/c we are all gonna die anyway

fear

a list of things I was afraid to say;;;;

To most people:
-hey
-hi
-hey, what's up?
-how's it going?

How can I stand up and dance crazy in front of people in my class when I'm alone. Because to be honest you scare me. She scares me. Those three girls scare me. That girl does too. And so does he and her and him and they and she and he and you. Maybe it's not you that I'm afraid of but its what you think, that's scary. But I don't really know if that's it because I really don't care what you think. And if I want to wear crazy socks some day I would. And I will and I do. So I don't know what I fear about any of you. Maybe it's that if I hula hoop in front of you guys my shirt would bunch up in a weird way, because honestly I'm a great hula hooper. I can't juggle but that's not why I feared the tennis balls. I'm a great at dancing and pretending to be a rockstar. To bad I couldn't show you my moves. The thing is you don't realize you're afraid of anything until you experience it. I had a huge list of things I was afraid to say and I was about to post it but then I got scared. So I deleted it and started over.

Well I'm afraid of spiders. It's even hard for to type that word let alone see one. Yeah and when I do?no it's over. I am. I know lots of people are. But you don't understand I'm 'afraid' of them. Like I 100% will scream and cry and do whatever I have to do in order to get someone to kill it. And frankly it bothers me when people are all "save it! No don't kill it! Here I'll take it outside!" I'm like... No kill the dang spider. In fact I remember when I was little, my parents don't know this but, I remember seeing them type and research 'how to help child get rid of fear of spiders' and 'arachnophobia' in the computer. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of doing crazy and adventurous things because what if I can't keep up with all the other crazy adventurous people. I'm afraid of conversations when I don't have anything left to say. I'm afraid of people recognizing that I wore these pants yesterday and did she not brush her hair? I'm afraid of people gossiping and of it being about me. I'm afraid of left turns into busy streets with no mid lane. During the winter I'm scared that spring will never come. And I fear every year that my coat from 9th grade won't fit me anymore. I'm afraid to follow people first on Instagram and I am too scared to post unless it's the right time of day and the right picture with the right caption. You would be surprised by how many blog drafts I have but never posted because I was scared. And by how many times I have rewritten them. I'm afraid of disappointing my parents and grandparents. I'm afraid of drinking caffeine without my mothers permission and I don't go up the canyon alone. I'm scared of the bishoprics office. I don't know why. I have never done drugs, I have never broken the law of chastity, I'm always modest, I don't drink coffee or beer, I don't even swear or lie or gossip. Yet, every time I go to the bishoprics office I feel like I am the lost soul in the ward that needs saving from all their sinning. I'm afraid of graduation day. I'm afraid I'll trip or I'll look funny in the big tarp and hat they make us wear. I'm afraid that it will be real. I'm afraid I'm going to get up in the morning and forget my name. I'm afraid I'm going no to get up in the morning and be paralyzed. I'm afraid of climbing trees and talking to boys. I'm afraid of listening to a song with my mom or sisters and having it swear. I'm afraid that I will never have money and never have a car and I'm afraid of having to pay off a billion student loans and never have the feeling of being free from money and the problems it brings.

When it comes down to it... I'm afraid of a lot more than I thought I was. I'm afraid and your afraid. We are all afraid of something. But have you ever that saying 'fear is motivation'? Well I have. And it makes me realize... It's the fear and the lack of fear the makes the world go around. So it's okay to be afraid.