nostalgic

I want the years back
I want those four years back
I made every decision off of what you would do.
What outfit to wear, what perfume I bought, what hallway I sat in, what classes I took, if I was going to go to the basketball game or not.
Let's face it I would have been there anyways... But you were the final pro in everyone of my pro/con lists that always made my decisions.
I just can't believe I spent four whole years of my life
wasted.
And I mean I knew from the beginning. I knew I wasn't going to be with you eventually and that someday I would regret all the time and effort put towards you. But did that change the facts or my mind?
Trust me I tried. And my friends tried too. I tried to forget about you and every detail about you that I remembered. And they tried to tell me all the flaws they noticed in you to make me not like you.
Every morning I woke up and convinced myself that I was done and this was it. But the next time I would see you or something would remind me of you I would realize I lied.
Once there's something or someone you care about than you remember every single thing
Every moment.
Every 'conversation'
Every detail
even if it was absolutely nothing.
And its not like I tried to remember, it just stuck. And I didn't go looking, it just came and I remembered.
I remember what car you drive and every time I see one like it my heart skips one whole beat.
I remember your different plaid shirts and your shoes and hats.
I remember your eyes and your smiles and for some reason they are the hardest to forget.
Because every moment you and I shared I took a picture in my mind. So when I do think about you I have a slide show that goes a million miles a second that never seems to stop.
I am trying to delete the slide show now. I have been working all last night and today on it. I want to wipe the entire hard drive. But I must have locked the file into long term memory and kicked out every president except George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.
Most of the file is good though.. Except  there's one slide that sort of kills me inside. It's the last slide. It's the one where everything became a reality. Where I realized in real life. That it really would never happen. And I mean I told you before I knew it wasn't going to happen before. I was 99.99% sure. That it would never happen. But it was all of the false hopes, the nice attitudes, the encouragements, the stories and that .01% that kept me going.
It was the .01% that grew and shrunk constantly. That .01%, that when I saw you and you smiled... Made it feel like a .02%
But it wasn't.
I mean I can't say I know now that you 100% didn't like me. And that it would be like this. I mean if I would have done something before maybe the odds would have been better. But I didn't and you didn't. Now we are graduating and life's changing and you have her so what's the point.

now I'm just left with a  99.99% hurt heart. And 100% nostalgia

but don't worry I'm charging my heart tonight and I'm hoping it will be 100% happy and over you and happy to be over you tomorrow.